I spent A LOT of years just getting by.

I grew up in a wildly creative, chaotic, and largely dysfunctional environment. Whilst I felt loved, I never felt safe. The addiction within my family was rife and as a child I couldn’t help but receive the message that numbing out and drifting off into fantasy were the only sure and acceptable ways to stay safe. 

At first I used my imagination, then I turned to food and starving myself. I wanted my mind to exist as far away from my physical human form as possible. I was happy to admire the shell I’d created in a mirror, but I had no wish to inhabit or listen to what it really needed.

When my mother died suddenly and tragically at age 40, I was 14 and my desire to untether myself from the physical pain, distress and trauma of bereavement was immense. In came romantic obsession; performing and over working, and inevitably drugs and alcohol. I spent the next 13 years attempting to contain my body, and with it, all the pain. After everything I'd experienced growing up, my central nervous system was a wreck and my early adult life was spent on a rollercoaster of mood swings, anxiety, stress and overwhelm. All the while I continued to ask “What’s wrong with me?” “Why am I like this?" 

I could not connect the reality of my past experiences and my interpretation of them, with my current reality. Nothing seemed to fit.

It has been almost 8 years since I first started listening to that quiet knowing and I haven't tired in my pursuit of greater healing and self actualisation despite immense challenges. The real transformation has come from understanding that i am the one with answers, and wellness does not come from adhering the the latest nutrition trend or relying solely on "experts" for solutions (or a pill).

Along the way, as a conscious observer and while working with other women, I’ve discovered that the source of symptoms that trouble us on a daily basis are usually rooted in unresolved emotional pain and trauma. As well as old and socially constructed limiting beliefs that we are still needing to shed.  Whether it’s trouble sleeping, stress or digestive issues—these ailments often stem from places we don't yet feel safe addressing.

When we are at odds with our truth and internal environment, looking after our physical body becomes much more challenging.

What we consume on a daily basis has the biggest impact on our overall health. This is true when it comes to the food we eat and movement we choose; but also the kinds of relationships we participate in, the career paths we have chosen and the way we spend out free time. All of this is ingested and impacts how our bodies respond.

Something inside me said “I can’t do this anymore.” I didn’t know what this inside voice was or where it came from, it was quiet—but by that time the pain in my body was BIG–so i was willing to listen. I had multiple physical and mental health issues: migraines, an eating disorder, chronic stress and anxiety, fatigue, digestive distress.... You get the picture.

Ironically, I thought I had the whole health thing DOWN. I was doing a great impression of being a healthy person: I ate “clean.” (aside from the booze) I cycled everywhere. I looked "fit" (i.e. underweight). I avoided coffee after 10am... What the hell was i doing wrong???

I would ask my doctor what was wrong and would either by told I was overworking or to take anti-depressants. 

From the outside it looked like i was fine,
but inside i felt like i was falling apart.

At 27, after years of self-inflicted pain and confusion,
i started to wake up.

My Journey

I spent A LOT of years just getting by.

I grew up in a wildly creative, chaotic, and largely dysfunctional environment. Whilst I felt loved, I never felt safe. The addiction within my family was rife and as a child I couldn’t help but receive the message that numbing out and drifting off into fantasy were the only sure and acceptable ways to stay safe.